Since PMBAR, the season’s been tough.

Marginal performances. Sleep all over the place. Recovery inconsistent. Fitness up one week, gone the next. Some days I feel great and ride well. Other days I just don’t show up. It’s been a bit of a mental rollercoaster.

Riding isn’t what I get paid to do. It’s what I choose to do. I love it. I love the competition. I love working toward something. Most of the time, the work is the reward. But I do like to feel ready when I show up, and this year that hasn’t always been the case. When you only race a few times a season and a couple in a row go poorly, it’s frustrating.

Swank used to be a never-miss race for me. Back when it was at Cove Creek, it felt like a local end-of-season party. Maybe the course was more interesting, or maybe it was just different from what I rode all the time. More than anything, it was the post-race vibe. It just felt special. The current setup isn’t quite the same. Hard to put a finger on it. It’s still good — just different.

After a questionable season, there was part of me that wanted one more shot. I didn’t decide to race until the week of, but I’d been keeping some training going in case I did. Looking back, I probably could’ve used a bit more volume — but that’s easy to say afterward.

When I signed up, the forecast looked good. Then it didn’t. Then it did again. Friday night it stormed hard. Saturday it rained a bunch at home. We were fully expecting a wet one.

Sunday morning came, and I remembered how much I enjoy race morning. The nerves, the chatter, warming up, seeing friends. That part never gets old.

The start funnels quickly into double track and then into some notoriously rooty, off-camber singletrack. On a dry day it’s tricky. On this day it was slick. It’s a trail I ride multiple times a week most of the year, so position matters. I put in a little more effort than I wanted early to get where I needed to be and ended up in a good spot. We had a super fun train going down Sycamore.

Out onto the road, we settled into a group of five or six — Joe, Kevin, Chad — trying to keep the pace honest but not insane. Up Clawhammer it spread out a bit but still felt manageable. On the singletrack climb up Black Mountain the group bunched around the rooty left-hander. I’d already planned to step off there based on a few pre-rides. Joe had to unclip and I hiked around him.

Over the top and into Avery Creek — all kinds of fun. Joe caught me about halfway down, which honestly I didn’t mind. Out to Buckhorn, then Avery Creek Road where Katie and the kids were cheering, which was awesome.

We regrouped — me, Joe, Kevin, and Kevin Concorde. Near the top, Kevin put in a move and rode away. None of us chased hard. Joe made sure I wasn’t getting ahead of him into Bennett this time. Bennett was slick and special. I went into conservation mode — keep it upright, don’t do anything stupid. Gave up a little time, not much. Katie and the kids were at the bottom again, which was a nice lift.

Back to Clawhammer for the final climb. I passed Dave Wood who was cramping and tried to close the gap to Joe and Kevin ahead. In the past, that climb is somewhere I might have been able to bridge. This time I couldn’t quite do it. The gap held. Then Chad came flying by me on a single speed into Black.

On the final descent, after a minute or two, I let it open up a bit. Closed the gap to Chad near the bottom but couldn’t quite get around him. Joe and Kevin were a minute or two up the trail.

Third in 40+, ninth overall.

I was a little disappointed not to close that gap on Clawhammer. That one stuck with me. But overall, it was a positive day — especially compared to how the last couple races had gone. With the stress and other things pressing all week, I was glad I lined up. It felt good to race hard, go back and forth with Joe and Kevin, and just be in it.

They got the best of me this time. We’ll do it again.

Good day racing with friends. Good weather. Good trails.

Still pretty lucky.